Dateline – March 11, 2008 – Thornton, CO80601

Announcement of the DNC Debates Coming to Smellrose Place

We are pleased to announce that the final preparations are being made to bring the DNC sponsored debates to Smellrose Place.

We are ecstatic to announce that one of the moderators will be none other than the Rev. Al Sharpton.

Other possibilities include, but have not been finalized, Keith Olberman and Chris Matthews.

The location hasn’t been worked out yet. We are trying to secure enough parking spaces at “The Church of Obama.” Security is going to be provided by “Killer.” “He Who References Himself on the Huff n Puff” (HWRH) will be providing transportation on his bicycle built for two and it will give him another chance to wear that pretty blue hat he did not give back to the U.N. Food will be supplied by Robert’s Nuclear Powered Hot Dog Cart and served by Pancho-rio. We think his specialty is tacos. We can’t wait.

Entertainment will be provided by The Immortal One, if she is not passed out, and Animal Female. Gay Bar Beer will be served by “Swill Will” and his new found friend, “NYDoggie-doo.” The Purple P!mp Palace and the Girls with 4 Inch Heels will also be “performing.” They are offering a special for that day.

We are accepting donations up until the event. Your can pop-tops can be turned in to Zip-Dee-Dooh-Da up until the day of the event.

We think momma lib will be back from the zoo by then and will be the Master of Ceremonies. We hear she is on her way to a full, and we mean full, recovery.

GunnyG, onceamarine, BrianR, SSGT and all the others have finally stopped laughing and are on their way back to a full recovery. But we did hear that they have asked to never be considered for any other U.N. missions in Smellrose Place. This is understandable.

And another day comes to a close in Smellrose Place.

© 2008 BmanIII

Dateline – March 5-6, 2008 Thornton, CO.

 UFO Investigation Completed….

Now that the investigation is complete we can report the findings on the recent UFO sightings over Smellrose Place.

It was determined that it was not an Unidentified Flying Object.

It was however, UNIDENTIFIED FUPA OVERHANG. In fact, it was the most UFO that has ever been seen by mankind in one place. The most compelling evidence was the fact that momma lib (the old retired educator) and Rosie was in the same place at the same time. And the fact that the U.N. confirmed they were assisting in the official “Official Momma Lib & Rosie Evac Plan.” 

Now that it has been resolved Smellrose Place can begin to get back to normal with the aid of the U.N.’s newly formed division, with a grant from the U.S. taxpayers, called The United Nations Smellrose Place Economical Wonderful Incentive for Nothing, or UN-SPEWIN for short.

Preliminary plans call for funds to be used by Marc Mode, the Gay Designer to establish “The Velvet Goldmine - Designs by Marc Mode.” An upscale boutique. And for “The Navy Pilot” to open “Wobbie’s Purple P!mp Palace” featuring Candy and Muffin, the two off springs of The Navy Pilot.” There is even talk of Roberts Nuclear Powered Hot Dog Cart expanding into the area, if he receives approval to accept food stamps. 

There are also plans to establish a “Welcome Wagon Box” with stainless steel staples and maybe even glue if the funds hold out. This will be made available for the influx of new residents that have been coming into Smellrose Place lately.

And if things go really, really well “Swill Will” will be opening a gay bar serving Gay Bar Beer and 2% Lattes. We can’t wait.

But that is OK; it will make the monthly BBQ’s more interesting. And momma lib (the old retired educator) and “The Immortal One” (TIO) will have more pickin’s for their mutual enjoyment.

Sadly, there is no word yet on the condition of momma lib and Rosie as of press time. Hopefully with the new residents coming in we can sell enough cans to get bus fare for Animal Female to make the trip to the zoo to check on them. We think rt is stealing the funds because he is accumulating vast amounts of Boone’s Farm strawberry wine and Marc Mode is still being awfully chummy towards rt. “He Who References Himself on the Huff n Puff” (HWRH) is still jealous. But he has a pretty blue hat from the UN.

And to update you on GunnyG, SSGT, BrianR, onceamarine, Marine Dad, Lumberjack, and the others who were first asked to assist in the official “Official Momma Lib and Rosie Evac Plan” – well, they are still laughing. The VA is seeking medical attention for them now that they have not stopped laughing since last weekend. 

Rumors are still circulating that the DNC plans to hold a debate in Smellrose Place if all the candidates can arrange their schedules. We’ll keep you posted. 

And there is a picture of the airlift that we hope to get posted soon. So check back often.

And another day ends in Smellrose Place….

© 2008 BmanIII Productions

Dateline March 4, 2008 – Thornton, CO  80601

 UFO Sightings seen over Smellrose Place…..

 Man I tell you.  Smellrose Place is not going to be able to handle all of the excitement. Yesterday it was the great U.N. official momma lib and Rosie airlift evacuation to the New York Zoo for treatment from the BBQ sabotaged with castor oil by Helen T.

Now it seems that no more than one hour after they lifted off the U.S. Air Force started receiving numerous calls from all over Smellrose Place and NY City reporting sightings of a UFO.  The excitement never stops I tell you.

Some people were really scared, too.  There were a wide variety of descriptions from Macy‘s Parade Balloons flying across the sky to a possible Weight Watcher’s promotion.  The general descriptions on the UFO’s were possibly Porky or Penelope Pig balloons but they were too high in the sky to tell.  Reports did indicate that there was a sound like that of a military helicopter but the “objects” were too large to see any helicopter.  That was what the scary part of it all was.  Other eyewitness swore they had saw what looked like two old fat ladies eating tacos but that was quickly discounted because it just couldn’t be.  Could it?  And others thought they saw something being spewed out the tail end so they disagreed that it could be two old fat ladies.  Besides you don’t usually need an aircraft that size to haul two old fat ladies.  Do you?  Even more descriptions were of hot air balloons but they don’t make the noise that was coming from the flying objects either. 

So, since “He Who references Himself on the Huff Puff” (HWRH) knows someone that was actually in the Air Force the Smellrose Place UFO Committee (SPUFOC for short) designated him to be the lead man and find out just what the heck was going on.  He graciously accepted the assignment given to him.  Besides, he still had that pretty blue hat he didn’t turn back in to the U.N. And since he still had the bicycle built for two he had commandeered the day before he decided to leave right away.  He knew it would take some time to find a phone booth. 

So off he went, pedaling as hard as he could.  But it wasn’t too hard, because “Queen Liberal” caught up with him because as he put it “you have an extra seat and I need to be dropped off at the welfare office.”  So off they went together.  Like two peas in a pod.  One with a shiny blue hat and one with, well, nothing. 

After dropping off Queen Liberal at the welfare office HWRH found a phone booth.  Dang! He thought.  I don’t have any quarters.  So he found a couple of Chinese dishwashers and you know the rest of the story there.  I won’t elaborate.  So with four quarters, three dimes and two pennies off he went back to the phone booth.  It took awhile for him to get through but he finally got connected with the most knowledgeable person when it comes to UFOs.

He explained the situation in great detail and upon agreeing that it was of the utmost importance HWRH’s contact would be on his way immediately.

So HWRH raced back to Smellrose Place to report his findings, leaving Queen Liberal behind.  Queen Liberal would just have to walk back or find a couple of Chinese dishwashers for bus fare.

Upon HWRH’s arrival back to Smellrose Place he reported to the Smellrose Place UFO Committee (SPUFOC) at once.  He let them know that as soon as Dennis Kucinich could get a car from Rent-A-Wreck he would be in Smellrose Place as quickly as possible.

Smellrose Place is awaiting his arrival now.

In the meantime there have been other reports more stranger than the UFO’s.  It was reported, by anonymous sources, that a strange substance has been found scattered though the streets of Smellrose Place and NYC that closely resembles taco meat.  Or chocolate.  The CDC, the FDA and the USDA have been alerted.  The FDA and the USDA refused to investigate.  The CDC has a big poker game scheduled so we won’t know what their decision is until the director either wins or is thrown out of the game.

HWRH was overheard telling “The Immortal One” (TIO), “You skanky B!atch, get away from me.  I don’t care if you do have a brand new key, you are still too skanky for me.  And you don’t have in all your teeth.  I miss The Navy Pilot.  I wonder if he is playing in that plowed field near his box?”  To which Animal Female replied, “I wonder when the next free cheese give away will be held.”

No word on momma lib or Rosie’s condition.  The good citizens are still holding fundraisers to get bus fare to visit the zoo to see how they are doing.  But someone keeps stealing the funds.  It is rumored that rt has an abundant supply of Boone’s Farm.  But he ain’t talking.  And Marc Mode, the gay designer, is being awfully chummy to rt at this time.

© BmanIII

Dateline – March 3, 2008 Thornton, CO 80601

Tragedy Strikes Smellrose Place…

We are sorry to inform you that there has been a tragedy in Smellrose Place. After the “Special BBQ” on Saturday night we think that Helen T may have sabotaged the BBQ because she was mad at Rosie for not showing her enough interest. The best we can tell at this time is that there may have been excessive amounts of Castor oil put in the BBQ.

Momma lib and Rosie has been spewing since Saturday. Since they usually eat most of the food they got hit the hardest. It began a couple of hours after everyone had called it a night. 

EMS was called and upon their arrival decided that they couldn’t help. They did not have the equipment capable of lifting them to the hospital. One was bad enough, but the both of them. There was enough FUPA to feed all of Chappaquiddick. So in a state of panic, HWRH woke up The Navy Pilot and said to him, “Man, you gotta help, if you don’t do something soon, Smellrose Place will be gone forever, there is crap flowing through the streets as we speak.”

After they all got a full belly they took a vote to see if they should rest up before going to save momma lib and Rosie. The vote came in that, since time was of the essence they would only take a 30 minute nap. So off they went back to their offices for a nap. And to watch CNN for a while to catch up on their news.

They received notification that the streets were up another couple of inches so, after a vote they decided to head on down there. But how would they rescue momma lib and Rosie? Of course, the Navy Pilot volunteered to use his helo. So a vote was taken. The vote came back and said that since The Navy Pilot’s helo could not pick up a shopping cart at Walmart they had better get a more powerful helo. So a Chinook was secured and the “Official Momma Lib and Rosie Evac Plan” had officially began.

So off they went, with a real pilot to Smellrose Place on the official “Official Momma Lib and Rosie Evac Plan.” Now the only problem was no one knew the coordinates of Smellrose Place and they forgot and left The Navy Pilot back at the landing pad. So they took a vote to see if they should go back and get him. Since he is the only one who knows where Smellrose Place is they decided to go back. Time being of the essence and all. 

After getting The Navy Pilot and lifting off, they discovered they needed fuel. So they landed at the local Citgo. Which really presented a problem since the Citgo doesn’t sell helicopter fuel. Once they found a place that sold helicopter fuel they were finally on their way. The Navy Pilot suggested they play Crazy 8’s since the trip would take about 3 hours.

Once they were over Smellrose Place they tried to land. And this is where even more tragedy comes in. The blades from the Chinook blew all their houses down upon landing. But there was no time to be concerned with this as they had to rescue momma lib and Rosie. Time was of the essence. 

Now, realizing that they forgot the necessary equipment, mainly the strongest cable known to mankind, they sent out an SOS for it. So HWRH (He Who References Himself on the Huff n Puff)) said he knew of a bicycle built for two that was down the road that someone must have stolen and ditched down at the end of Smelly Drive. He would go and get it. But only if they let him wear one of those pretty blue hats. So a vote was taken and they agreed to let him borrow one of the used hats. Not quite as shiny but it sure was pretty. A bit too little for his head though.

Anyway. HWRH gets the Bicycle built for two and heard The Immortal One on the way hollering I have a brand new pair of roller skates, you have a brand new key. HWRH told her WTF? You are talking about rt you methed up crack head. So she caught up with HWRH and tried to take his pretty blue hat. Hal said she could go with him if he could keep his pretty blue hat. So it was agreed, TIO would go with HWRH.

As they hurried along the streets rose another couple of inches.

Finally, they found the right person who could requisition the cables. So it was done with lightning speed. Because that person had a tee time in 20 minutes. Since the bicycle built for two couldn’t transport the cable they got permission to use an Official UN Vehicle. Well, that just about made HWRH crap in his pants. An official UN vehicle AND a pretty blue hat. All in the same day. Well, TIO was rally mad because she had to take the bicycle built for two back to Smellrose Place and miss all the excitement. So she decided to stop by Robert’s Nuclear Powered Hot Dog Cart. They actually offered a job to her but she had to decline, for it would mess up her monthly benefits and all.

Anyway HWRH hurried back and finally arrived. During the time HWRH was gone all the guys in pretty blue hats were planning how to get Smellrose Place back to normal after their helicopter blew all their houses down. And someone mentioned rain too.

So a vote was taken, that as soon as they got back to the UN and the golfing tournament was over, they would get to work on that right away.

In the meantime, they were hooking up momma lib and Rosie to transport them to the

New York Zoo for treatment. It was ok, because The Navy Pilot was there and he has been on many, many, many, many (you get the point), missions so he took the position of supervisor (especially since they just realized they left the supervisor at Robert’s Nuclear Powered Hot Dog Cart).

So Rosie and momma lib were tied up and off they went. During the time Rosie was being tied up to be transported one of the more smarter U.N. relief workers noticed that there may be a correlation between Rosie’s drawers and Robert’s Chocolates. He has made a note to check on it when they get back to their U.N. offices. After the golf tournament, of course.

We hope to hear from them soon but no one has enough money for admission to the zoo. Or for that matter, what their hours of operation are.

Now they all will have to stay with the man who lives in a van down by the river until the U.N. can get the airlift taken care of and back to assist with the reconstruction of Smellrose Place. If he will let them stay with him. 

There is already talk of upgrading to Styrofoam. That’s what TIO said because she gave the U.N. supervisor a ride back to his office on the bicycle built for two. Unconfirmed at this time though. 

And reports of Helen T floating by the man who lives in a van down by the river just came in. Will report on that later.

So another day in Smellrose Place comes to an end.

© BmanIII 

Dateline – March 2, 2008 - Thornton, CO 80601

The "Special BBQ"…..

Well it has been a couple of days since the welfare checks came in and the usual trolls are being “trolled” by their own set of trolls. Namely Rosie and Helen. Seems when a can of Spam is being BBQ’ed you just can’t keep those two away. But this is no ordinary monthly BBQ. Oh no. This is what’s known as the “Special BBQ.’ When there is no one in Smellrose Place that has been denied their entitlements for the month they have the “Special BBQ.” The Special BBQ is special because when everyone gets their entitlement for the month they can usually afford to “kick it up a notch” (one of them heard that phrase one time while watching the food Network down at the clinic and the phrase resonated). For a Special BBQ they go all out and have canned hams. Nope, not Spam, no sir-ee. Sometimes, they even use paper plates and plastic forks if tr can “please” enough of the Chinese dishwashers that are Clinton supporters. He only likes Clinton supporters for some reason.

But a certain catastrophe did happen this time. Let me explain. As momma lib (Lila) was getting the trash can and grate ready to fire up, it was discovered that “The Immortal One” had forgotten to procure the necessary amount of lard. Why they need lard for a BBQ remains a mystery. This is the second or third time in recent memory that the task of securing the lard had been assigned to “The Immortal One” (TIO) and she failed. It is the general consensus (sound familiar?) that when TIO wakes up from an extended meth stupor she forgets a lot of things. But it’s really George Bush’s fault anyway. Getting back to the subject at hand, when momma lib (Lila) found there was no lard she had to come up with some quick thinking. Otherwise the whole BBQ would be just one big disaster, again.

So momma lib figures that Rosie would hear of this month’s BBQ and, come h3ll or high water, she’ll be there. Especially since it is the more fancy canned hams. So momma lib made the announcement that the food would be a little late this month and explained that it wasn’t her fault, but the fault of someone else, namely TIO and George Bush. 

 She suggested that the residents of Smellrose Place entertain themselves by playing some games in the meantime while waiting for Rosie’s arrival. And since Helen T. was in attendance a motion was made by “He Who References Himself on the Huff n Puff” (HWRH) that Pin the Pork Chop Bone on Helen’s Behind Area be played. Someone seconded the motion so Helen was stripped naked (because this is how they play the game???). 

The Navy Pilot was first to go. He won the food stamp card toss. The magnetic side that he called was up. Otherwise known as “Magnetic Side Up.” So he was given a pork chop bone and blindfolded. He successfully placed the pork chop bone somewhere in the midst of her heiney. As it became HWRH’s turn someone hollered out that Rosie was seen coming up Dooky Avenue (or would that be down Dooky Ave?). But it would be several minutes before she got there as you can see her coming a quarter mile away. They usually use the same pork chop bone but The Navy Pilot had hidden it so well that it would take a while to find it. It just so happened that HWRH had a used chicken bone in his pocket so they blindfolded him and let him play. He was just as successful as The Navy Pilot and hid the chicken bone somewhere in her upper FUPA.

By this time Rosie had arrived and momma lib explained the dire situation they had found themselves in. And Rosie, being the compassionate, bleeding-heart liberal she is, she told momma lib not to worry. Her exact words, I believe, were, “Never Fear Rosie is Here.” So Rosie asked for any volunteers to help. And being the civic minded guy that Marc Mode, the gay designer, is, he happily offered his assistance.

So, for reasons unknown, they went behind one of the cardboard boxes with a couple of old five gallon pickle buckets they normally use for chairs. Some shouts like “Just a little more” and “squeeze a little harder were heard coming from behind the boxes. Some groaning and moaning was also heard. After a few minutes they both came out with big ol’ grins on their faces. Marc Mode was also overheard telling Rosie that next time she needed to bend over just a little more and it would be a whole lot easier. And that the grease stains wouldn’t be as bad. And maybe the use of a funnel may be warranted. But anyway.

Momma lib was happy to get the lard and fired up the grill. Or trash can. Marc Mode announced he couldn’t stay too long.   He has a date with that guy in the video that was saying “Leave Britney Alone,” or something to that effect. And he had to rearrange his living room with the milk crates he picked up a couple days ago.

While this was going on people noticed that Rosie kept sniffing and sniffing. And pointing also. Kind of like a blue tick hound dog would do. Then she kept getting closer and closer to Helen. Helen, of course, was enjoying the attention. She had not had any attention like this since Janet Reno left office. The closer Rosie got to Helen the more, and louder, she grunted. Then all of a sudden Helen let out this yelping sound, which sounded to most in attendance as a joyful yelp. When everyone turned and looked Rosie had her head stuck up so far in Helen’s upper FUPA that a Caterpillar D9 bulldozer could not have pulled her out. There was yelping and whaling and all kinds of commotion going on. When Rosie finally came out for air she had a pork chop bone and a used chicken bone in her mouth with a grin like a horse eating briars.

Of course, once Helen found out it was only the bones that Rosie was after she got mad and started pouting. Then she finally decided she had had enough. So she left before the canned hams were ready. Although one of the hams was missing momma lib couldn’t prove it. Being the bleeding heart liberals they are, it was blamed on – George Bush.

So momma lib BBQ’ed the remaining hams, served them on the fancy paper plates that rt had gotten out of the dumpster behind the local diner after servicing the Chinese dishwashers. 

After the nightly allotment of MD 20-20 (Sorry BrianR) was gone they all decided to go home to their boxes for the night. Momma lib tried to persuade Rosie to come join her for a night cap. The invitation would have been gladly accepted except for the fact that both of them could not fit in the box at the same time. We think that the tranny, “The Immortal One” (TIO) did persuade Rosie to come to her/his box.

Since they never bother to clean up momma lib knew she would be going home by herself, again. So she found rt and, you guessed it, slapped him. After finding rt and, you guessed it, slapping him, The Navy Pilot and HWRH went home together. So rt, by this time, being mad as h3ll, decided he would stay with the man who lives in a van down by the river tonight. At least he would be able to wash up in the morning.

Momma lib was heard on the way home muttering to her self that she was tired of doing all the work and Animal Female and The Hand that Learns never doing anything to help. At least Rosie provided the lard (Why the lard is still a mystery but The Navy Pilot and HWRH was seen carrying a bucket home with them) and Helen provided the entertainment. rt secured the china and silverware.

She concluded that in spite of the lard fiasco, a good time was had by all at this month’s BBQ. And the ham was mighty good eatin.’ 

But she thought to herself, had it only rained they could have all had showers standing under the drains on the bridge that she lives under for this month’s special BBQ.

So another day concludes in Smellrose Place.

©2008 by BmanIII

Dateline – March 1, 2008   Thronton, CO 80601

This is the day that the March 2008 welfare checks come in………..

Momma lib (“Lila”), the old retired educator, is getting ready for their monthly trip down to the welfare office. It starts like this:

Since it is close to the end of this month momma lib (aka Lila) is all out of the current month’s supply of liquor (that’s what they call their MD 20-20). Momma tells the “Pet from NY” that it’s time to take a bath so you have to go to the man who lives in a van down by the river to bathe. Or as they call it “wash up.” So momma slaps little “Pet from NY” and off he goes.

In the meantime, momma is hunting her teeth so she can smile at the bum who lives in the cardboard box two bridges down from her when she goes to pay her crack bill. He would live beside Lila, but there isn’t enough room for both of them under the bridge with the FUPA and all.

But anyway, as momma sees rt (the names have been changed to protect the “innocent”) coming down the road and can’t find her teeth she hurries next door (really “next box” over) and borrows “He who references himself’s” mother’s bottom plate, and as luck would have it, The Navy Pilot’s mother was there too. So she lent her her upper plate. They just insisted that since neither had brushed them this week to Please brush them before returning them. Although they don’t fit very well, it was agreed that the borrowed teeth looked “right nice” on the momma lib.

So anyway momma lib (Lila) lets her hair down as she is sportin’ a borrowed set of teeth for rt and lo and behold she spots The Navy Pilot coming to see if his momma has $3 he can borrow.

Now momma lib is in a conundrum, as she doesn’t remember if she promised to see rt or The Navy Pilot at this particular time. But it doesn’t matter, really. All she knows is one of them is going to get “lucky” (if that’s what you want to call it). 

So “Pet from NY” is down at the man who lives in a van by the river ‘washing up’, WITH the man who lives in a van down by the river. When they are “finished” “Pet from NY” goes back to momma to get the check so it can be cashed at the liquor store. “Pet from NY” is scared to ask but he does so anyway – “momma, ain’t I supposed to be in skrewl, those people said you might go to the pokey”. Momma lib slaps “Pet from NY” again and tells him to mind his mammy. That mammy needs her medicine.

So momma lib puts the “X” on the back of the check where she has been told to do and gives it to “Pet from NY”. He asks, can I stop and get me a coke? Momma lib slaps him again.

So “Pet from NY” gets going and on his way he stops over at “The Immortal One’s cardboard box that is 4 boxes down from Lila. He is wondering if she is ok cause it looks like she has been “outside” all night but soon discovers that she will be fine. Just another ‘rough’ night out with the trannny’s, again. Since he can’t get her to wake up he goes on down to the liquor store.

Once there, he tells the owner he is here for his momma’s monthly medicine. The owner looks at “Pet from NY”, and, you guessed it, slaps him. So “Pet from NY” gives the liquor store owner the check and gets his case of MD 20-20 and the change and starts to make his way back. But the owner says “Stop “Pet from NY”, come back here a second.” When “Pet from NY” gets back to the counter the owner starts laughing at him and, you guessed it, slaps him again.

So off goes “Pet from NY” back to momma libs. On the way he sees Marc Mode, the gay designer, coming his way. But has no where to hide. So “Pet from NY” knows Marc Mode’s favor-ite drink is MD 20 -20 and offers him some if he won’t slap him. Marc Mode says ok, three bottles and I won’t slap you right this second. “Pet from NY” hands over the 3 bottles. Well, Marc Mode takes the 3 bottles, and, you guessed it, slaps him.

By this time “Pet from NY’s” face is a bit swollen and he is crying and hurting. He finally gets back to the boxed neighborhood, on Stinky Avenue where animal female lives. He can’t see her in those new big screen TV boxes she managed to cop a week or so ago. The tape on them is holding up very well so far though. Quality cardboard it is. Anyway he hears her say “Come here little boy, want to see something.” So “Pet from NY” says “Sure, I want to see something.” He ventures his way over to the ‘door.’ And to his amazement there she is – spread all over the entire living room, which consist of one whole box. You know, because animal female is the most successful on her block, she has a three room box.

So EVEN “Pet from NY” is scared at that scene and starts running back to his box when he slams into “He who references Himself.” Well, “He who references Himself” tries to bribe “Pet from NY” because he doesn’t want “The Navy Pilot” find out he is “seeing someone else” and offers “Pet from NY” some fine liquor to keep quiet. “He who references Himself” has some Boones Farm on him. So “Pet from NY” gets 3 bottles from “He who references Himself” to keep quiet and continues on his way. Oh, and, you guessed it, “He who references Himself” slaps him.

When he finally gets back to his box, he starts looking for momma lib.  He finds her ‘out back’ rollin’ on the ground with some new man on the block, The Hand that Learns.”

When momma lib sees “Pet from NY” staring at him, she gets up, puts in her borrowed teeth, and runs over to “Pet from NY”. And, you guessed it, slaps him.

“Pet from NY” gives her the case of MD 20-20 less three bottles, and only ONE bottle of Boones farm. He was sidetracked on the way with the other two bottles of prime liquor. And the change, of course. Momma lib tells “Pet from NY” to run out and play. She has business to tend to. 

So momma lib takes out her borrowed teeth and goes back to “The Hand that Learns.” Momma lib is lucky this month, she has first dibbs on the new guy.

So on the first day of the month, all is well in Smellrose Place.

Thornton, Co 80601 – A Day in the Life of a Troll

Welcome to Thornton, CO 80601 – A Day in the Life of a Troll. Here we chronicle the daily insipid lives of the citizens of Smellrose Place. As you will come to realize, the life of a liberal troll leaves a lot for one to desire. For being a liberal troll anywhere, but especially in Smellrose Place is not a good thing. 

Most of our residents consist of fat, ugly, FUPA bearing, beings that truly hate themselves, live in a constant state of denial (which by the way, is not a river in Egypt), lead extraordinarily boring existences, and above all loathe the U.S.A. and everything for which is represents.

We have a diverse range of citizens of Smellrose Place. That which ranges from our town crier and retired self-proclaimed educator, a professional Navy Pilot that has also been a secret spy and too numerous other positions which we can not list here because the Town Hall servers are limited in storage space. Then there is “He Who References Himself on The Huff n Puff” when providing links to his sources. It has been rumored that he is a fat head also. We have the usual “I live in my Mommie’s Basement”. And there is, of course, the 30 something young “man” who never leaves his mother’s basement except for the first of the month when the welfare checks come in.

What is really interesting is that all of these trolls co-exist in a world known only to themselves. Except for the times when they have to bring the young’ins in to the welfare office to qualify for more benefits and to pick up the free cheese down at the corner of Maytag Circle and Westinghouse Blvd.

This is just a small sampling of what is yet to come so we hope you check back often as I hope to update on a regular basis. Which means I “hope” to “change” it often.

Credits for portions of the daily chronicles should go to YLG, MsOz, Lolo, and Max Power. But this would not be possible without the material provided by the non-taxpaying citizens of Smellrose Place in:

Thornton, CO 80601 – A Day in the Life of a Troll

© 2008 by BmanIII

http://thornton.blogtownhall.com