Dateline March 4, 2008 – Thornton, CO  80601

 UFO Sightings seen over Smellrose Place…..

 Man I tell you.  Smellrose Place is not going to be able to handle all of the excitement. Yesterday it was the great U.N. official momma lib and Rosie airlift evacuation to the New York Zoo for treatment from the BBQ sabotaged with castor oil by Helen T.

Now it seems that no more than one hour after they lifted off the U.S. Air Force started receiving numerous calls from all over Smellrose Place and NY City reporting sightings of a UFO.  The excitement never stops I tell you.

Some people were really scared, too.  There were a wide variety of descriptions from Macy‘s Parade Balloons flying across the sky to a possible Weight Watcher’s promotion.  The general descriptions on the UFO’s were possibly Porky or Penelope Pig balloons but they were too high in the sky to tell.  Reports did indicate that there was a sound like that of a military helicopter but the “objects” were too large to see any helicopter.  That was what the scary part of it all was.  Other eyewitness swore they had saw what looked like two old fat ladies eating tacos but that was quickly discounted because it just couldn’t be.  Could it?  And others thought they saw something being spewed out the tail end so they disagreed that it could be two old fat ladies.  Besides you don’t usually need an aircraft that size to haul two old fat ladies.  Do you?  Even more descriptions were of hot air balloons but they don’t make the noise that was coming from the flying objects either. 

So, since “He Who references Himself on the Huff Puff” (HWRH) knows someone that was actually in the Air Force the Smellrose Place UFO Committee (SPUFOC for short) designated him to be the lead man and find out just what the heck was going on.  He graciously accepted the assignment given to him.  Besides, he still had that pretty blue hat he didn’t turn back in to the U.N. And since he still had the bicycle built for two he had commandeered the day before he decided to leave right away.  He knew it would take some time to find a phone booth. 

So off he went, pedaling as hard as he could.  But it wasn’t too hard, because “Queen Liberal” caught up with him because as he put it “you have an extra seat and I need to be dropped off at the welfare office.”  So off they went together.  Like two peas in a pod.  One with a shiny blue hat and one with, well, nothing. 

After dropping off Queen Liberal at the welfare office HWRH found a phone booth.  Dang! He thought.  I don’t have any quarters.  So he found a couple of Chinese dishwashers and you know the rest of the story there.  I won’t elaborate.  So with four quarters, three dimes and two pennies off he went back to the phone booth.  It took awhile for him to get through but he finally got connected with the most knowledgeable person when it comes to UFOs.

He explained the situation in great detail and upon agreeing that it was of the utmost importance HWRH’s contact would be on his way immediately.

So HWRH raced back to Smellrose Place to report his findings, leaving Queen Liberal behind.  Queen Liberal would just have to walk back or find a couple of Chinese dishwashers for bus fare.

Upon HWRH’s arrival back to Smellrose Place he reported to the Smellrose Place UFO Committee (SPUFOC) at once.  He let them know that as soon as Dennis Kucinich could get a car from Rent-A-Wreck he would be in Smellrose Place as quickly as possible.

Smellrose Place is awaiting his arrival now.

In the meantime there have been other reports more stranger than the UFO’s.  It was reported, by anonymous sources, that a strange substance has been found scattered though the streets of Smellrose Place and NYC that closely resembles taco meat.  Or chocolate.  The CDC, the FDA and the USDA have been alerted.  The FDA and the USDA refused to investigate.  The CDC has a big poker game scheduled so we won’t know what their decision is until the director either wins or is thrown out of the game.

HWRH was overheard telling “The Immortal One” (TIO), “You skanky B!atch, get away from me.  I don’t care if you do have a brand new key, you are still too skanky for me.  And you don’t have in all your teeth.  I miss The Navy Pilot.  I wonder if he is playing in that plowed field near his box?”  To which Animal Female replied, “I wonder when the next free cheese give away will be held.”

No word on momma lib or Rosie’s condition.  The good citizens are still holding fundraisers to get bus fare to visit the zoo to see how they are doing.  But someone keeps stealing the funds.  It is rumored that rt has an abundant supply of Boone’s Farm.  But he ain’t talking.  And Marc Mode, the gay designer, is being awfully chummy to rt at this time.

© BmanIII