Posted by
BmanIII on Monday, March 03, 2008 2:13:25 PM
Dateline – March 3, 2008 Thornton, CO 80601
Tragedy Strikes Smellrose Place…
We are sorry to inform you that there has been a tragedy in Smellrose Place. After the “Special BBQ” on Saturday night we think that Helen T may have sabotaged the BBQ because she was mad at Rosie for not showing her enough interest. The best we can tell at this time is that there may have been excessive amounts of Castor oil put in the BBQ.
Momma lib and Rosie has been spewing since Saturday. Since they usually eat most of the food they got hit the hardest. It began a couple of hours after everyone had called it a night.
EMS was called and upon their arrival decided that they couldn’t help. They did not have the equipment capable of lifting them to the hospital. One was bad enough, but the both of them. There was enough FUPA to feed all of Chappaquiddick. So in a state of panic, HWRH woke up The Navy Pilot and said to him, “Man, you gotta help, if you don’t do something soon, Smellrose Place will be gone forever, there is crap flowing through the streets as we speak.”
The Navy Pilot, with his extensive contacts contacted someone who knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who knows GunnyG, SSGT, Lumberjack, Marine Dad, Doc, BrianR and all the other TH regulars. Every one of them was contacted. It is said that they have not stopped laughing since and may require medical attention if the laughter doesn’t stop soon.
So with that possibility gone out the window, The Navy Pilot contacted his contacts at the United Nations. He knows them very well. After deliberating about who was going to be the leader of the mission, the streets rose about 2 inches in crap. Then they had to decide which color uniforms to wear. The pretty white ones with the blue hats, or the brownish ones with the pretty blue hats. After a vote it was decided that they definitely were going to wear the pretty blue hats. Now since they are known for compromising another vote had to be taken. The color this time was Chicken sh!t green or puke yellow. The vote came in for the pretty blue hats again. (??????). After a few lavish hoursd'ourves and some drinking they decided to wear just what they had on. For time was of the essence. So they went down to Roberts Nuclear Powered Hot Dog Cart and ordered some tacos. What! No tacos at Robert’s Nuclear Powered Hot Dog Cart. They made a note to get a vote in the U.N. to MAKE them serve Tacos. They thought that it was discriminatory for them not to have Tacos. So they went back to the U.N. offices so they could make another note to not forget about the first note. Now, time is really of the essence so quick action would have to be taken. So someone mentioned they forgot desert and still had money left in there expense accounts from last month. So after taking a vote to see where they would go for desert it was decided they would go to Robert’s Nuclear Powered Hot Dog Cart. They have the best Chocolate there. The origins of which have never been released but we suspect Rosie has something to do with it. So anyway, time being of the essence they rushed on down and ordered the Chocolate Robert’s as they are called. Some say they taste like fabric but most agreed that it is very good.
After they all got a full belly they took a vote to see if they should rest up before going to save momma lib and Rosie. The vote came in that, since time was of the essence they would only take a 30 minute nap. So off they went back to their offices for a nap. And to watch CNN for a while to catch up on their news.
They received notification that the streets were up another couple of inches so, after a vote they decided to head on down there. But how would they rescue momma lib and Rosie? Of course, the Navy Pilot volunteered to use his helo. So a vote was taken. The vote came back and said that since The Navy Pilot’s helo could not pick up a shopping cart at Walmart they had better get a more powerful helo. So a Chinook was secured and the “Official Momma Lib and Rosie Evac Plan” had officially began.
So off they went, with a real pilot to Smellrose Place on the official “Official Momma Lib and Rosie Evac Plan.” Now the only problem was no one knew the coordinates of Smellrose Place and they forgot and left The Navy Pilot back at the landing pad. So they took a vote to see if they should go back and get him. Since he is the only one who knows where Smellrose Place is they decided to go back. Time being of the essence and all.
After getting The Navy Pilot and lifting off, they discovered they needed fuel. So they landed at the local Citgo. Which really presented a problem since the Citgo doesn’t sell helicopter fuel. Once they found a place that sold helicopter fuel they were finally on their way. The Navy Pilot suggested they play Crazy 8’s since the trip would take about 3 hours.
Once they were over Smellrose Place they tried to land. And this is where even more tragedy comes in. The blades from the Chinook blew all their houses down upon landing. But there was no time to be concerned with this as they had to rescue momma lib and Rosie. Time was of the essence.
Now, realizing that they forgot the necessary equipment, mainly the strongest cable known to mankind, they sent out an SOS for it. So HWRH (He Who References Himself on the Huff n Puff)) said he knew of a bicycle built for two that was down the road that someone must have stolen and ditched down at the end of Smelly Drive. He would go and get it. But only if they let him wear one of those pretty blue hats. So a vote was taken and they agreed to let him borrow one of the used hats. Not quite as shiny but it sure was pretty. A bit too little for his head though.
Anyway. HWRH gets the Bicycle built for two and heard The Immortal One on the way hollering I have a brand new pair of roller skates, you have a brand new key. HWRH told her WTF? You are talking about rt you methed up crack head. So she caught up with HWRH and tried to take his pretty blue hat. Hal said she could go with him if he could keep his pretty blue hat. So it was agreed, TIO would go with HWRH.
As they hurried along the streets rose another couple of inches.
Finally, they found the right person who could requisition the cables. So it was done with lightning speed. Because that person had a tee time in 20 minutes. Since the bicycle built for two couldn’t transport the cable they got permission to use an Official UN Vehicle. Well, that just about made HWRH crap in his pants. An official UN vehicle AND a pretty blue hat. All in the same day. Well, TIO was rally mad because she had to take the bicycle built for two back to Smellrose Place and miss all the excitement. So she decided to stop by Robert’s Nuclear Powered Hot Dog Cart. They actually offered a job to her but she had to decline, for it would mess up her monthly benefits and all.
Anyway HWRH hurried back and finally arrived. During the time HWRH was gone all the guys in pretty blue hats were planning how to get Smellrose Place back to normal after their helicopter blew all their houses down. And someone mentioned rain too.
So a vote was taken, that as soon as they got back to the UN and the golfing tournament was over, they would get to work on that right away.
In the meantime, they were hooking up momma lib and Rosie to transport them to the
New York Zoo for treatment. It was ok, because The Navy Pilot was there and he has been on many, many, many, many (you get the point), missions so he took the position of supervisor (especially since they just realized they left the supervisor at Robert’s Nuclear Powered Hot Dog Cart).
So Rosie and momma lib were tied up and off they went. During the time Rosie was being tied up to be transported one of the more smarter U.N. relief workers noticed that there may be a correlation between Rosie’s drawers and Robert’s Chocolates. He has made a note to check on it when they get back to their U.N. offices. After the golf tournament, of course.
We hope to hear from them soon but no one has enough money for admission to the zoo. Or for that matter, what their hours of operation are.
Now they all will have to stay with the man who lives in a van down by the river until the U.N. can get the airlift taken care of and back to assist with the reconstruction of Smellrose Place. If he will let them stay with him.
There is already talk of upgrading to Styrofoam. That’s what TIO said because she gave the U.N. supervisor a ride back to his office on the bicycle built for two. Unconfirmed at this time though.
And reports of Helen T floating by the man who lives in a van down by the river just came in. Will report on that later.
So another day in Smellrose Place comes to an end.
© BmanIII